Designing Your Stress Plan
I’m a self-proclaimed stress expert. Yes, I have a strong understanding of the effects of stress and experience in helping people to recognize and manage their stress, but that’s not the foundation of my expertise. I’m a stress expert because I’m an expert in feeling stress. In my neck. In my shoulders. In my abdomen. Within my mind and within my thoughts. Often. But far less than I used to.
My journey with stress began at a very young age, in a home and school environment full of anxious, tense people, who triggered my highly sensitive body, which was attuned to everything around me. I was primed to feel that something could go wrong at any minute, and I often braced for the worst. I recall clenching my fists during uneventful car rides, tensing my shoulders while watching TV, and routinely holding my breath.
Nursery school graduation. I was already feeling stress in my body at this age.
While I’ve had to work to rewire my conditioning around believing that danger is lurking around every corner, and can separate myself from that sort of toxic and negative thinking, I have found that it’s important to acknowledge that stressful situations can and will arise in our lives, and to prepare for them. We don’t need to be ready with the shield of armour that I once held, but with a bit of reflection, we can design a plan to help our minds and bodies to cope with life.
In a coaching session with a wonderful group of teens recently, I highlighted a few ideas that can be helpful to keep in mind when thinking about stress. The need to mention these ideas stemmed from the tendency of others to minimize our stress or compare their situations to ours, which often leaves us feeling unworthy of experiencing the overwhelm that we may be feeling. When you’re feeling stressed, remind yourself of the following:
My stress is real. My stress is valid. It doesn’t matter if someone else said I’m overreacting. It doesn’t matter if others could handle this differently. What I’m experiencing is real, and I’m allowed to feel my feelings about it, both in my mind and in my body.
I can do something about my stress. I can’t necessarily change the things that are causing me stress (such as other people, my job, or the state of the world), but I can change my relationship to those stressors. Those stressors will continue to orbit around me and be part of my life, but my response to them can change.
I can create a stress plan. This means that I can start putting specific tools in my stress toolbox, and when I become overwhelmed, my brain and body will know what to do, because I will have practiced it so many times. The more practice that we do when calm, the more available these tools will be during difficult moments. We can benefit from our long-standing practice, both daily and in moments when we need it the most.
So what would a stress plan look like? I will share five ideas below; even though there are so many more, I find that a long list can be overwhelming. Often we are very good at collecting information, but struggle with consistent implementation. Since you’ve likely heard of some of the ideas that I will share, read the list below while asking yourself:
How many of these things am I actually doing?
How often?
Are there 1-2 ideas I can try to incorporate more frequently and consistently in my life?
How might that help me to feel better and live better?
Planning for Stress:
Establish a daily breathing, yoga, meditation, gratitude practice, moment of prayer or guided visualization. Each of these could be a separate suggestion, but most of us don’t have time to do all of these. Save yourself from more overwhelm and choose one to do each day, or stick with one or two that you find most helpful. If you’re very busy and are thinking, “I have no time for this,” then commit to five minutes per day. Almost everybody has five minutes per day to spare. If you don’t, consider asking yourself if you feel deserving of setting aside five minutes to relax and not get other things done. Often, people don’t feel they have permission for this or have deep rooted beliefs around what a productive day should look like.
Move every day. Note that I didn’t say exercise. If you have an exercise routine, stick with it and make sure that it brings you joy and doesn’t feel like a chore. If you’ve generally felt that you dislike exercise, shift your mindset by starting to call it movement, and move in any way that feels good to you. Walk around the block, dance, do a short yoga video or do any physical activity that you used to enjoy….and don’t stress about it or worry about what other people are doing.
Eat foods that you digest well and that make you feel good. We are all in a different place on this journey. At the very least, if you notice that your stomach hurts after eating certain foods, that you feel awful after drinking alcohol, or that you feel tired and shaky after consuming sugar, pay attention to this. Minimize how much of these items you consume. Foods that don’t sit well in our bodies often create inflammation, which creates even more stress on the body.
Limit your access to negativity and toxicity, both on social media, in the news, and with people that you know. Set boundaries that allow you to protect yourself and that don’t create greater tension in your life. Practice resisting the urge to get sucked into drama.
Plan to spend a few minutes each day enjoying comedy, music, art, reading, or any activity that makes you smile, laugh, or feel relaxed. This is a necessary way to balance the stressors we have and any daily chores that we don’t enjoy doing.
This is a beginning list. There are so many additional options that we can incorporate once some of these ideas are part of our regular routine. Note which of these would be the easiest and most doable for you to try, and start with that. Daily alarms and post-it notes can help keep you on track. Use self-compassion to remind yourself that you’re entitled to feel stress, and to give yourself permission to set aside a few minutes each day to care for yourself.
Sheri Klugmann is a Wellness, Life and Family Coach, parenting expert, educator, and a yoga and mindfulness instructor. She coaches individuals and groups, working with children, teens, adults, families, and educators. Sheri also provides workshops for corporations, organizations, and schools on a variety of topics pertaining to health and wellness, parenting, stress, and the mind/body connection. Sheri’s goal is to help people reduce stress in all aspects of life and live with a greater sense of calm.
Visit Sheri at https://weliveforchange.com/